Press Releases

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  • 2010
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Woodspider enlivens our stage this Sunday!
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Tik Tok, Friday Oct. 15
Gory Daze 2008 Poster.jpg

Our Early PR

The above links represent an electronic compilation of Press Releases and other inspired ramblings which originated from a small Museum in East-Central Vermont in the first half of the Nineteen-Nineties. They were mailed to over a dozen local press organizations, the Burlington Vermont, and selected Boston, Massachusetts newspapers, all interested parties, in all locations, both at home and abroad, and, via radio copy, to all the ships at sea.

These little epistles have given solace to readers weary and watery-eyed from scanning never-ending column inches of Tiresome Art Criticism in the, regrettably prevalent, German Style. They have also provided some diversion as well, for Editors and Art Reviewing Professionals, who daily receive bushels of self-righteous Screeds and pompous Auto-Indulgences—in bulk like as much silage—as the Museum's emanations are perceived, generally, as a type of salve for open head wounds—brought by the trajectories of iron tamping rods—or indeed, a tonic for those suffering from the ravages of Dangerous—perhaps Federally proscribed—Drugs.

The overall tone of these emanations shilly-shallys from pixie-ish to acerbic, and from elaborate antebellum politeness to churlishness. The volatility of their voice can perhaps be accounted for by the youth of the author. Perhaps. As an example ere is something identified as an order form that was handed out to visitors in 1994.

The Main Street Museum Of Art presents its official Order Form (for items not presently available at The Museum): items will be shipped by first class u.s. Mail service, as soon as we get around to it, unless otherwise specified [enclosed please find items] you ordered from The Main Street Museum


¶ recently
¶ hopefully not too long ago
¶ so many months ago you had forgotten about the fucking things.
We hope that you enjoyed and your stay, of whatever duration, at The Museum and that you feel that, as well as being made jolly by our ministrations, you were Educated & Edified as well.


Thanking You Once Again for Your Generous Support...

In any event, enough people have said that they found them appealing enough to want to read them—more than once, even. Hence their inclusion in this digital compilation. They are part of our history after all. And we have always left it up to our patrons to use their own judgement in these matters.

These charming little soapbox orations appear, then, in much their original form, with some modification, and not a little further proofreading. No apologies are offered for their notably eclectic spelling and other inconsistencies. For instance—OverUse Of Titling Characters (well, so did Sinclair Lewis after all) and erratic use of the Italic Fonts, as well as an almost complete absence of Apostrophes (considered obsolete interruptions in the flow of type by the best authorities).

Responsibility for editorship and authorship, unless otherwise noted, lies solidly in the lap of David Fairbanks Ford, (Editor, Typographer, Production Manager, &c.). Other select items from local critics, in and around the Upper Valley, Burlington, Vt. and Boston, Mass., have been included, with authors permission, of course. Special Thanks are due, therefore, to Mr. James Bandler (The Rutland Herald & Times Argus, The Boston Globe), Mr. Bill Craig (The Valley News).
May it Please You. Wherever you are!

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